Horrific Romance Classifieds Winners

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Hentai Lovin’: Retired hentai monster tired of tawdry sex, seeks soulmate with whom to discover roots; must love me for what I do, not what I am. No broken minds or seekers of arcane lore, plz. First date could be a long slumph along the submerged shores of R’lyeh, or just chillaxing to the sounds of the rending of spacetime.

Author: Kaolin Fire

Bio: Kaolin Fire is a conglomeration of ideas, side projects and experiments. Web development is his primary occupation, but he also develops computer games, edits Greatest Uncommon Denominator Magazine and occasionally teaches computer science. He has had short fiction published in Strange Horizons, Tuesday Shorts, Escape Velocity, and Alienskin Magazine, among others.

2010_classifiedsHelp Me Write My Music of the Night: Me – Angel of Music. You – Ingenue. OG seeks SWF soprano for haunting duets, long walks down secret passages, and mist-shrouded boatrides across a subterranean lake. No musical experience required – I am an excellent teacher. Together, we’ll bring down the house. Non-smoker preferred. You will curse the day you did not do all that the Phantom asks of you. Inquire at Box Five. (NO DIVAS!!!)

Author: Alexandra Erin

Bio: Alexandra Erin is a blogger and independent author from Omaha, Nebraska. She is best known for her adult fantasy serial Tales of MU.

STRICTLY HOT CHAT!

Live 1-on-1 w/ sexy, SCORCHING Star Spawn @ the LOWEST rates anywhere!

Only 7 severed hands per minute!

Open your portal to the 23rd Nebula now!! 18+

Author: Christopher R. Reed

Bio: Christopher Reed began his writing “career” when a poem he had written in memory of his grandmother was published when he was 11 years old.  He has continued to write for fun ever since.  He currently lives in southeastern Wisconsin with his beautiful fiancee.  He refuses to write anything clever in his biography since everyone else has already done so in theirs. Jerks.

Smart, ambitious M/F wants some frisky fun (Kingsport, MA): Are you a young woman in search of the real thing? Look no further! I’m a single parent with quite a few kids, and have been lonely for too long. I love nature (I even have a pet goat!), I especially enjoy going on long walks in the woods and looking at the distant stars. I would like to meet a fun girl who is not afraid of discovering new things and who would love me for aeons to come. Virgin preferred. Email me at [email protected]!

Author: Axel Taiari

Bio: Axel Taiari is a French writer, born and raised in Paris. His work has appeared in various literary magazines, and he is the creator and co-editor of Rotten Leaves Magazine. More recently, his work has appeared in the Eternal Night anthology, published by Living Dead Press. He is currently working on a noir science-fiction novel. Read more at http://www.axeltaiari.com and http://www.rottenleaves.com

Distinguished gentleman: Male of mixed ancestry seeks pure-blooded human woman desiring to redeem polluted-but-noble lineage. Perks include secluded estate, vast wealth, dimensional portal. Will NOT be sacrificed, or lent to transdimensionals for sex.

Author: David C. Kopaska-Merkel

Bio: David Kopaska-Merkel was raised on a toad farm, where his first job was newt-fending. Leaving the wilds of Virginia, he made his way to the Drum Mountains, Utah. It is from this extinct lakeshore that he sends odd scribbles (via roadrunner post) to all and sundry.

Electric personality: Strong, silent type still living at home with creator and humpbacked assistant seeks lady of the night. Has electric personality when the weather is right. Fond of children and peasants. Proves it’s true what they say about men with big, square feet. Limbs optional. Please leave the torch at home, but come ready for a late-night romp through the countryside.

Author: Shennandoah Diaz

Bio: Shennandoah Diaz writes stories of humanity under less-than-human circumstances. Her work has appeared in Sex and Murder, Elemental Horror and Reflection’s Edge. She was also recently named a finalist in the 2009 Writers’ League of Texas Manuscript Contest.

Seeking special someone: SWM ISO SF. I’m a small business owner (hotel/B&B) who gets a little lonely, sometimes. Looking for a special lady to bring home to mother. Closet TV, must be open-minded and discrete. Let’s paint the town red! NS/ND. Reply NBATES BOX 211 c/o Innsmouth Free Press.

Author: Jeremy Brooks

Bio: Jeremy D Brooks has been published in Niteblade, New Myths, Abandoned Towers, and The Examiner, and will appear in the Fall 2010 WW Norton Hint Fiction anthology. He can be found online at gristleandsmoke.blogspot.com

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