Column: Retronomicon: Dead In The Water: Grimm 3.04: One Night Stand

By J. Keith Haney

“More and more she grew to love human beings and wished that she could leave the sea and live among them.” – Hans Christian Anderson, “The Little Mermaid”

Recap: The quote above is put against the backdrop of yet more of Portland’s lovely forest area, starting from a tree and panning all the way down to a fallen log by the water. We then fade out and abruptly cut to a bunch of young people singing some awful folk song on an acoustic guitar by what is presumably the same body of water as the intro. The singing is so bad that you’re praying that Pete Townsend will come by just to smash up the guitar, but the high spirits are evident … specifically, the kind of spirits that come out of a beer can.

To their credit, the pair of happy couples admits that the music is as bad as it sounds to the rest of us. One of the girls even postulates that they likely scared all the fish away with their bad music, making all the fishing equipment around them pointless. They’re being modest. Every woodland creature within a one-mile radius has likely fled the scene, with the exception of some tone-deaf birds we’re hearing in the background. After a little joshing, one of the lover boys takes his girl into the water with him.

Pause button: Sigh. Even if we hadn’t seen “La Llorona” last season, surely all of us have seen enough of the Jaws movies to know what a bad idea this is. Unpause.

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The female half of the other couple says that she’s going to get both of them some more beer, presumably because the music isn’t lousy enough yet. Our failed musician with the guitar is having a rather hard time getting to his feet. While he’s struggling with basic coordination, someone tries calling his cell, which he just blows off. Who knows? Maybe he was dodging an ex-girlfriend.

Failed Musician watches the other couple get frisky through his newly acquired beer googles, while something that wasn’t repelled by his laughable idea of music watches from a distance. Turns out that Failed Musician’s other half knows about the watcher, a striking deaf girl who is less-than-welcome at this shindig.

At first, Ms. Deaf claims in sign language that she was just going for a walk … right. Apparently, given the threat to tell Dad, that’s the hot, drunk, tone-deaf blonde’s sister. Ms. Deaf is apparently carrying a torch the size of a California wildfire to the poor man’s James Taylor on the beach, presumably because she’ll never have to put up with his bad music. Ms. Blonde shoots this down with how Ms. Deaf won’t ever be the same as the rest of them, so she can just forget it.

Pause button … I am so bored and we’ve barely gotten started. Hopefully, something more interesting will happen before the first commercial break. Unpause.

Ms. Deaf finally walks off in a huff and Ms. Blonde takes the opportunity to strip out of her shorts for some odd reason. Then again, maybe it’s not so odd considering that she doesn’t bring back a beer for Failed Musician, telling him that she’s changed her mind.

She then lures him into the lake herself, undoing the straps of her top for extra incentive. It has the desired and predictable effect of making him join in. Me? I continue to fight off my narcolepsy so I have something to report for you, dear readers.

Ms. Deaf is still waiting around the corner as he wanders off. While everybody is distracted by each other, Ms. Deaf sneaks through the scene to grab Failed Musician’s cell phone. Ms. Blonde apparently isn’t that distracted, as she spots Ms. Deaf doing the deed. Ms. Deaf looks through the cell phone’s picture collection of Failed Musician’s shots of himself. Failed Musician and Ms. Blonde finally finish screwing in the water, which Drunk Man declares an incredible experience.

As for our other couple, the Jaws moment we’ve been praying for finally arrives. A scaly arm grabs the poor, dumb, horny male half of that duo. His girl just ditches him and tells the other two to get out of the water. Failed Musician sobers up quick enough to do the exact opposite of that advice while the distant relative of the Creature of the Black Lagoon is pulling his buddy under.

That’s when another arm snags Failed Musician. Both of the girls are just watching as Failed Musician gets a face full of water. His ankle gets ripped as this living undertow takes him down … and not in the good way that he just had with Ms. Blonde.

Pause button: It’s official. I’m really, really bored. Hopefully, this episode will throw us a bone here that we can’t see coming. Unpause.

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After the credits, we cut to Failed Muscian’s corpse in the water, floating all by its lonesome. Ms. Deaf goes in to get it out of the water. Judging from the unusual skin mods on her hands and neck, she’s amphibious … just in case you missed the bright, shiny eyes. She then proceeds to give our guy CPR by giving him chest compressions. Apparently, mouth-to-mouth isn’t necessary because he spits up the water after a few minutes of this. Guess he wasn’t as dead as my interest in this episode, after all.

He sees her in her true skin, but his near-drowning and the last of his beer googles are clouding up his vision. She finally has the sense to Voge back before he can get too good a look at her. She takes off by the time he is able to get to his feet. Failed Musician’s only thought is his poor, dead buddy, who goes by the name of ‘Dan,’ the first victim of the unofficial dunking booth.

Pause button: I feel sick to my stomach. About the only thing missing from this scenario so far is a talking crab who wants to sing about life under the sea. Curveball, hurry up and get here! Unpause.

Understandably, Failed Musician doesn’t go back into the water, but calls out for Dan at the top of his lungs. Of course, if the alcohol hadn’t been fogging his brain in the first place, maybe he’d have realized that Dan’s corpse isn’t going to be too talkative.

We mercifully cut back to Monroe’s place, where Monroe is getting in the last of Rosalie’s stuff and Rosalie is wondering if this was such a good idea in the first place. Both Monroe and we take it the wrong way in thinking that Rosalie is talking about the whole moving-in thing.

She’s actually referring to all the stuff that she just brought into Monroe’s little tidy space. Given recent events in my own life, I can relate. Monroe applies his usual optimism to the subject, saying that not only does his house have plenty of room, but that it’s “a golden opportunity” to declutter the place.

Rosalie then asks the logical question of what Monroe plans to get rid of. Predictably, Monroe’s brain freezes on the subject, though he does his best to talk his way out of the brain freeze. One artifact he decides to single out is a pocket watch given to his great-great grandfather upon retirement. As usual, he rattles off the piece’s whole history. Rosalie does her best not to laugh at her man, takes the orb-encrusted watch from Monroe, and proclaims, “I think that everything should stay just where it is.”

After putting it back on the mantle, she adds, “Even me.” Then she ropes him into a smooch.

Pause button…this scene doesn’t quite undo the damage to my neurons that the opening did, but it’s a start. Unpause.

Things are also pretty domestic over at Nick and Juliette’s place. She’s pouring coffee while he’s coming downstairs. Juliette asks if he wants some cut-up fruit. He says yes and orders a side of “a lot of coffee.” She gives him a good-sized insulated cup that’s topped off with the requested beverage.

Nick just gives her a look that prompts Juliette to say with a smile, “What?”

Nick answers, “Nothing … that’s what makes this so great.”

Juliette then admits that she really has missed “the everyday stuff” that they took for granted before. They share a kiss of their own, something else Juliette has missed.

Before Nick can head out the door, Juliette asks about the doctor’s report. Nick tells her to check his email. The doc was supposed to send that to him through there. He jokingly adds, “Tell me if I’m still alive.” That might actually be less of a joke than he realizes and you can see that on Juliette’s face.

Meanwhile, cops are finally pulling Dan’s drowned body out of the water. The officer at the scene tells Nick and Hank that the drowned vic was one Daniel Hopkins. Nick takes a look at the corpse under the sheet, noting that he looks pretty battered. The officer speculates that they have river debris to thank for that, in all likelihood. But Nick isn’t sure how to account for the rips on Dan’s ankles. Hank calls them scratches, while Nick brings up the claws angle.

As Hank speculates something pulled Dan under, the officer scoffs by asking if they’re talking about a Loch Ness Monster. Hank reads off Failed Musician’s real identity: Jake Barnes. He filed the report the night before, presumably after he was in good-enough shape to drive. Nick decides that the next course of action is to have a chat with him.

Nick knocks on 304, presumably Jake’s apartment. Jake answers it pretty promptly. After introductions are made, Nick brings up Dan and asks that they talk inside. That’s when Hank breaks the bad news about Dan turning up dead. Jake isn’t that surprised, but he is heartbroken over the news. He then mentions that something pulled Dan underwater and got Jake, too, in the process.

After a little calming down, Jake recounts how he and Dan were fishing near Stealhead and were alone at first. Wait for it ….

Yep, that’s when our two girls showed up, going by the names of ‘Sarah’ and ‘Anna.’ Apparently, they were sisters and, not surprisingly, he never got their last names. He didn’t even get a phone number from them because these girls moved so fast on Jake and Dan that it made the SR-71 look like a Sopwith Camel.

Dan was with Anna while Jake got Sarah AKA Ms. Blonde. After the expected fun-and-games was when the dunking contest got started. Getting bored again ….

After giving an abridged account of what happened at the top (completely blanking out the little mute mermaid who got him out of there), Jake mentions he told all this to the cops and doesn’t think they bought his story. Hank then brings up the relevant question of how Jake got out alive.

That’s actually when he remembers Ms. Deaf and he has to admit that he’s got no clue what he saw. He thinks he imagined her. That’s when Hank spots the same scratches on Jake’s ankles that were on Dan’s. When Nick asks what could have grabbed him, Jake notes, “It’s a little hard to focus when you’re drowning.” Hank asks him to take them to the place where it all went down.

When they get there, Jake recounts where everything was. After he takes a few self-indulgent seconds to berate himself on not going into the river after Dan, Nick gets him to confirm that this is the spot where it all went down. Jake is a little hazy on where, exactly, he came out and he has no idea where the girls went. Hank is getting more details when Nick’s super-hearing kicks in. He hears someone watching them from the nearby woods. It doesn’t take him long to spot her.

It’s Ms. Deaf, of course, who can’t hear a thing from Nick yelling at her to stop. She makes a clean getaway into the water. She leaves an impressive wave from her swim before surfacing again in full Voge. She takes a minute to look at Nick and goes back under for another impressive burst of underwater swimming. Nick just has this look of frustration on his face like “Damn! Why didn’t I learn to swim?!”

Hank catches up and Nick gives him the update, including the part where she managed to come up “about fifty yards out.” Hank is wondering what they’re dealing with when Jake catches up and says that he thinks that she’s the same girl as the one who rescued him.

Later, Hank is telling Renard that there are no bodies matching the descriptions for Sarah, Anna, or Ms. Deaf. Then Nick mentions how the girl Nick saw was “a lot more” than just a girl when she went into the water. Renard gets the drift and asks if Nick has an ID on what she was, which Nick doesn’t.

Renard then delivers his best line: “Well, let’s round up the unusual suspects.” If this episode weren’t such a drip (no pun intended), I wouldn’t have been as happy to hear that one.

While Nick and Hank go off to do just that, Renard gets a text: “Sent you photo.” It’s Sebastian, of course. Maybe it’s time to cue the “Under the Sea” jokes.

Renard pulls up his email and sees the photo of Adalind that Sebastian snapped last episode. This prompts him to pull out his spare cell in his desk to call Sebastian back. Sebastian is driving and uses a BlueTooth hookup to answer.

In French, Renard asks if Sebastian is alone. All Sebastian says is that he can talk. He then confirms that Adalind was doing business with Frau Pech. Apparently, being a lawyer is a Hexenbiest tradition, as the late Frau Pech was a lawyer for the Family.

Sebastian never had a chance to tell Eric about all this before the fatal bomb blast. So, they’re officially back at square one: no idea who the buyer actually is or even whose child it actually is. That’s when Renard puts two and two together, correctly deducing that Adalind is the mother with a child to sell.

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Nick is picking Monroe’s brain about what the little mermaid he saw could have been. Monroe isn’t too keen on water, so he’s not really sure. Rosalie, on the other hand, mentions a Naiad that she knew in Seattle who lived on Bainbridge Island. Rosalie called her “kind of weird,” but “could swim, man, like a fish.”

Nick asks for more details. Rosalie mentions that they have very close-knit families and never stray that far from the water. Rosalie figures that the Grimm Cave probably has more details on this. Hank is just glad that they’ve got a better idea of what they’re dealing with. Monroe kind of gives the hint to Hank, who then passes it on to Nick.

Nick gets it and talks up how they need to be going, that Monroe and Rosalie have “a lot left to do.” Monroe offers to come along to help, which stops his cop buddies cold in their tracks. Monroe tries talking himself out of it and Rosalie tells him to go for it. Monroe is still trying to talk his way out when Rosalie begs, “Please, take him.” She gives him a parting kiss and the men leave.

Monroe finds what they’re looking for from an entry made on July 14, 1755, from one of Nick’s ancestors who worked for the East India Company. It recounts “a strange event aboard the merchant vessel, Dottington.” Jory, the Third Mate, vanished into thin air after lots of raving about a beautiful woman “swimming alongside our ship like a fish”.

The ancestor decided to stand watch to confirm the rumor and, judging by the drawing, presumably did. He caught her in a net and she donned “her human shape.” At first, the ancestor found her mesmerizing, enough so to keep her out of sight of both captain and crew. A few hours of being out of the water made her skin peel, making her beg the ancestor to let her go back. He wanted to prove that Jory was no lunatic. Any questions on Jory were not answered; she only begged to return to the water. She finally died at sunrise through severe dehydration, taking her secrets with her.

Hank then gets a call from Wu. Wu has just found Jake’s missing cell at the Anderson Marina, courtesy of a GPS scan. Hank tells Wu to meet him and Nick at the marina. Nick adds that they should bring Jake along to ID whoever took his phone. When the cops get there, Hank orders Jake to stay by the car and ID anyone he recognizes with some binocs.

Wu confirms that the phone is still on and seems to be on one of the houseboats. Sure enough, Ms. Deaf is working with a net when she spots the cops coming. It doesn’t take Wu long to pinpoint which boat. A man walks out of the marina office and Nick asks for details, starting with his name. The new guy is Abel Maharia. He gets less-than-cooperative on the subject of the cellphone and says he doesn’t know anybody who drowned.

Pause button: Still predictable after all these minutes. Well, I’m drowning … in boredom. Unpause.

Wu nixes the defense by calling the stolen cell himself. Sure enough, Ms. Deaf didn’t realize that you need the ring tone muted if you don’t want to get caught. Abel wants to head off the probable cause, but stops cold when Wu prompts him to stay right where he is.

Hank finds the cell nestled in a pillow on a loveseat. While Hank is wondering how it got there, Nick spots a photo of Sarah, Anna and Ms. Deaf. Nick IDs Ms. Deaf as the one he saw by the river.

Abel says he has no idea how the cell got into his house. Nick asks about Ms. Deaf and Abel finally gives her a name: Ellie. He proclaims her innocence, but Nick notes that she could have been in the area at the time of Dan’s drowning. Ellie is watching anxiously from her hiding spot while all this is going on. Abel brings up the fact that she’s deaf, so there’s no way they can talk to her.

That’s when Jake spots Sarah and Anna coming up, completely oblivious that they’ve been made. Jake walks up and reintroduces himself. Not surprisingly, both sisters do their best to ignore him. Ellie takes the time to slip back into the water while he’s talking. Jake is filling them in on poor, dead Dan and mentions the cops are here.

Things start getting tense when an oversized truck rolls up with some rednecks who look like they’re from my part of the world getting out. Sarah and Anna are saying that they know nothing. Nick and Hank get their IDs. The rednecks are approaching. When the rednecks get indignant, Hank threatens to have them take a ride back to the station in Wu’s car. When the girls refuse to cooperate, the cops have to take them in. Ellie herself stays hidden under the docks.

Abel then spends a minute to beg Nick not to do this, how he doesn’t understand. Nick offers to have Abel join them in the ride to the precinct. The stress makes Abel Voge into his Naiad form. Nick smiles and says, “Oh, I guess we have more to talk about than I thought.” That’s when the usual light bulb goes off in Abel’s head. But first, Nick is going to talk to the girls, just to give Abel some time to think it over.

When the cops are gone, Abel berates the boys about the kind of trouble they’ve caused. The boys just make like they’re honoring their roots with this activity. “Your world died two hundred years ago and now you’ve jeopardized all of us with this fundamentalist crap!” Abel bellows.

Proving that they haven’t heard a thing Abel has said, much less understood it, they clue him in to the fact that Ellie is the reason the cell wound up in the house and has to be “cut” for it. The bigger one talks about him “not raising your women right.”

Pause button: Okay, if this weren’t something I haven’t seen a few times already in this series with better plotlines (“Bad Moon Rising”, how I miss you!), I might care a little more than I do. As it stands … boooooorrrrrriiiiing. Unpause.

These two walking stereotypes then barrel past Abel to go get Ellie.

Meanwhile, Nick and Hank are putting the screws to Sarah. Her skin is starting to flake. Sarah clams up, but Nick lets her know that Hank and he know that the sisters are Naiads. The next 24 hours in a holding cell will finish the fatal drying process. True to form, Sarah has nothing to say.
“Well, let’s hope your sister does,” Nick notes acidly.

Anna holds back some tears, but doesn’t talk, either. It’s enough to make Nick vent his frustration to Renard later in the office. Renard is worried about the possibility of “two dead women in our holding cells.” A bit disingenuous, considering all the cover-ups this guy’s launched.

In spite of this, Renard still makes the call to keep them there, figuring that the ME can sort it out if it comes to it. That’s when Wu knocks with some news: Abel is ready to talk.

Abel cops to killing Dan and is about as convincing at it as Al Capone ever was when he was saying that he was just a businessman. He really sucks at the confession thing, as Nick and Hank have no problem poking holes in his story. Come to think of it, a fresh-from-the-Academy rookie cop wouldn’t have that much trouble. As Nick points out, “You see how difficult this gets when you’re not telling the truth?”

Nick goes back to Renard with a new game plan: Use Abel’s confession as leverage on the sister. Renard says, “I guess we’ll find out if it’s a loving family.”

Jake comes into his apartment after a hard day of … whatever he does when he’s not fishing, drinking like a fish, and proving that he’s not an actual fish by being drowned by parties unknown. That’s when he notices the open window in his place. Only two real possibilities here and I’m pretty sure I know which one.

Yep … it’s Ellie standing behind him when he turns around. Somehow, he speaks Mute as he’s able to make out her name of Ellie. She can’t talk, but she can read his lips. She gets upset when he mentions that the cops are looking for her. Of course, he doesn’t know they’re not the only ones looking for her.

She wants to show him something, dragging him to the pool. She dives in and shows off her freakish swimming skills. When she comes up, she shows herself in full Naiad Voge. Amazingly (or not), the sight doesn’t make him freak, as it confirms everything he saw. Of course, those redneck party-poopers would whack him over the head at this point.

One of them puts a hand over her mouth as he pulls her out of the pool. Not sure why … it’s not like she can really scream. But somebody hears the ruckus and prompts these two evolutionary throwbacks to vacate the premises. Jake comes to long enough for him to get whacked on the head a second time. You know, it wasn’t surprising the first time he got hit, so why are we seeing it again? It’s like kicking a dog while it’s already down.

Cutting back to a more bearable plot, Monroe is finishing up the final unpacking of Rosalie’s stuff. Inside the last box is a Chia rabbit that belonged to the late Freddie. Rosalie recognizes it as something she knew from back when she was a kid. Her grandparents brought it over from Holland.

Pause button: Holland, as in GQR’s home base? The thought plickens. Unpause.

Monroe wants to put it in “a place of honor” on his mantle by the fireplace. But Rosalie points out that the thing is “butt ugly” and thus, probably doesn’t belong there. Monroe makes up one of his usual lame excuses that there are some things about his home that she doesn’t like. She then calls him on it: “What are you afraid of?”

Monroe doesn’t mess around: “Me.”


She’s apparently the first person he ever wanted to move in with. Rosalie wonders if he’s getting cold feet and he assures that’s not it. She tells him to just stop thinking about it so hard: “I love you; you love me; and we both hate this.” The “this,” of course, is the Chia bunny. She gives him a kiss as she puts the bunny back in the box.

The girls are busy drying out in their holding cells when Nick gives them the news about Abel’s confession. It works out about the way Nick, Renard, Hank, and … well … the rest of us called it. Sarah cracks first, telling them about those rednecks, Dominic and Jesse, the real killers whom they met at the marina. Anna is saying that those two will kill the both of them when Nick opens up their cells.

That’s when the dehydration makes Anna Voge, prompting Nick to point out that they’ve got bigger worries. Anna pleads that they’ve got no reason to trust a Grimm, but Sarah points out that they have no choice.

Sarah then gives us Plot Cliche #346: The girls were innocent, and had no idea that Dominic and Jesse were even there. Dominic got Dan while Jesse got his claws on Jake. The girls were starting families and apparently, the tradition that those two inbred morons were following was that the sperm donors died after the mind-blowing sex.

Pause button: Okay, I’ve just gone from bored to insulted. Please hurry up and finish this episode! Unpause.

Turns out that Dominic and Jesse still follow that tradition up in Alaska, where they came from six months ago … which explains the redneck in them. One of Sarah Palin’s worst contributions to the national conversation was confirming that Alaska is just where people from my part of the world flee to when they can’t handle the 21st Century.

The rest of their story is pretty much a rehash of everything we saw in “Bad Moon Rising” last season, only less interesting. There is a bit of a twist, though. Naiad females can conceive in the water, but Naiad men go through life shooting genetic blanks. All the men have to raise the children of the actual men that the Naiad females mate with. Some are good with it, like their “dad” Abel, while Dominic and Jesse are anything but.

That’s when Nick gets a call concerning poor, kidnapped Ellie from Jake, who quickly fills Nick in. After the call, Sarah explains the bit about “cutting”: Slice through the webbing between her fingers and toes, a form of banishment. According to the tradition, they’re going to do it at her home.

Pause button: Okay, this is more interesting than what came before, but it’s still super-predictable. I want this over with, already! Unpause.

Back at the marina, Ellie gets the explanation of how her getting sliced is for the good of all of them before she kicks one of the rednecks in his nonfunctional nuts. The other guy wrestles her to the ground and the offended party gets ready to do some amateur night surgery. The dummies waste so much time trying to tie up her legs that she gets a chance at another free shot to one of their faces.

They then shove her under the water to cause her Voge so that they can begin. They get what they want and then they blow it by giving her enough time to Voge back.

Pause button: Am I really supposed to be afraid of people this incompetent?! If this is how they hunted for food in Alaska, I’m surprised that they lived long enough to make it to Portland in the first place! Unpause.

That’s when the cops roll up with sirens blaring. The big guy goes for Nick and Hank, while Ratface throws Ellie in the water with the help of an anchor. Nick makes pretty short work of the big guy and dives in after Ellie. Hank keeps the two miscreants chained to the dock.

Underwater, Nick’s super-hearing kicks in, picking up Ellie’s heartbeat. He climbs the rope to find Ellie, knocked unconscious before she went in the water. After untying her, he brings her to the surface, to the relief of the desperately screaming Hank.

Pause button: I know that I’m supposed to feel relieved and all that, but the only thought on my mind is: “I hope Nick’s cell is waterproof.” Unpause.

As Ellie is coming to, Hank notices Nick’s skin has gotten pale again and asks if Nick is all right. Nick confirms this is so. Hank asks how they want to handle this. Nick proposes locking them up. Hank points out that this will kill them. Nick is completely unsympathetic about that fact of life and rightly so.

Then Hank tells Nick he was underwater for so long that Hank thought he was dead … and looked the part. The rest of Ellie’s family tearfully reunite with the girl who proved to be braver than all of them put together. In another universe, she’d be starring in her own Disney movie within a couple weeks of these events.

Meanwhile, Juliette is reading Nick’s email. Per the doc, there is nothing medically wrong with Nick aside from the fact that he now has a metabolic rate that is half what it should be. Other than that, Nick just has “tremendous physical endurance” but nothing to worry about. It’s enough to make Juliette smile before a new email pops in. The name is familiar: bheadr … Momma Grimm.

The message is cryptic but to the point: “Haven’t been able to spend the money. Royal assassination causing much turmoil. No longer safe … Must leave now. Love you. M.”

Juliette’s suspicions are aroused: “Who the hell is M, Nick?” Why, dear girl, if you knew how Ian Fleming came up with that name for his James Bond series, you wouldn’t even need to ask.
Renard is watching Erik’s funeral on his laptop. They even mention the Laufrey and put the question of whom will be given the reins of the family.

Jake IDs the guy who knocked him out in a lineup. After it’s done, he wants to ask Nick and Hank something: He mentions her little Voge. He concludes with how she “just wasn’t … normal.”

Nick has a snappy comeback: “Nobody is, Jake. It’s Portland.”

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Review: Congratulations, we have the first official stinker episode of the season here. If it were a fish, the Deep Ones of Innsmouth would throw it back in the water as being unfit even for their consumption. Yes, I get that they were adapting “The Little Mermaid,” as originally conceived by Hans Christian Anderson, but did they have to make such a mess of it?

This episode had all the worst characteristics of previous episodes in this series that I have loathed: boring story, completely foreseeable plot twists, characters where you don’t care if they live or die, and a pair of villains who make the J-heads that offed poor Freddie in “Island of Dreams” look like potential candidates for MENSA.

The ongoing subplot involving the Royals back home was given short shrift this episode, as well. Given some of the imbecilities vis-à-vis this meta-arc that have been pointed out by me and others, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. On the other hand, it’s also no relief from the pain that I inflicted on my eyeballs, ears, and brain cells. Only Monroe and Rosalie stood out as relief.

Ugh … surely, this isn’t a warning sign that the rest of the season is going to be like this … right? I mean, they’ve actually got a good subplot going with Nick’s condition that nobody’s managed to louse up, yet. Surely, they’re not about to fumble the football … are they? It’s a testament to my lack of faith on that count that it speaks volumes about my answer on that subject. Here’s to a better episode next week!

About JHaney

J. Keith Haney was born in Misawa, Japan, but has lived most of his life in the state of Tennessee. His favourite all-time film is the original Clash of the Titans, mainly for the Ray Harryhausen monsters. Due to that film, he got a college-level book on World Mythology when he was nine, of which he memorized the Greek section by age 12. His first encounter with Lovecraft (though he didn't know it at the time) was the original Ghostbusters, which he saw in its original theatrical release. In addition to all things Lovecraft, he is an old-school gamer, history buff and fierce advocate for the steampunk genre. He enjoyed his first professional sale and publication in 2010 with his steampunk short story, "Grand Guginol", which can be found at Short Story Me!. His favourite all-time Lovecraft story is "The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath", which he considers an important, forgotten forerunner to Tolkein's Lord of the Rings saga.

JHaneyColumn: Retronomicon: Dead In The Water: Grimm 3.04: One Night Stand