By Silvia Moreno-Garcia

It’s hard being a woman. It’s even harder being a woman after science has played a bad trick on you, launching you into a mad murdering spree. This week, we explore what happens when women, horror and science (or what passes as science in a scary movie) get involved. It’s a ménage-a-trois made in hell. So, sit down and read through the list of ladies gone bad:

The Island of Lost Souls (1932)

Hey, remember that time you moved to a deserted island, started experimenting on the animals, created beast-creatures and one sexy panther girl? No? Well, we do. Let’s open this list of women and science with Lota, one of the characters of this classic flick, and the most successful experiment of Dr. Moreau. Lota is a brand-spanking-new addition to the original story, which was kept in other adaptations for obvious reasons. Two words: panther woman. Dr. Moreau’s master plan for the poor hero of this tale is to have him mate with Lota, which, once you get a good look at Lota, is a far cry from a punishment. On the other hand, the other assorted beast people of the island don’t look too good and aren’t treated very well, so Dr. Moreau isn’t exactly the “nice” kind of scientist. Then again, who is when it comes to horror flicks? There’s a strong whiff of colonialism in this, with all the native stuff and panther chick in sexy outfit. Remade, most recently, in 1996.

The She-Creature (1956)

This is one of those very bad black-and-white cheapies that is most memorable for the costume of said creature, but has some interesting tidbits which are never properly explored. The protagonist is a beautiful young woman who, when hypnotized by a smarmy guy, regresses into a prehistoric, murderous life form, the “she-creature” of the title. The interesting tidbits revolve around the relationship between the woman and the hypnotist. The woman is kept under the man’s thumb, though we don’t know why. Our lack of knowledge and understanding of the female character dampens what in theory might be a fun game of prehistoric Jekyll and Hyde. Also note that the woman seems to come from the wrong side of the tracks, which immediately has some people on the defensive about her and her mentor. If this socio-economic subtext, along with a more psychologically-charged script, were deployed, we might have had a real winner. The sad truth is we have a nice costume and a movie that’ll make you chuckle. By the way, the original poster claims the story is based on “fact” and “it could happen”. It’s all very scientific!

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)

Talk about a colossal problem. Rich, pretty Nancy Archer bumps into an alien on a highway. After the encounter, she gets bigger and…well, the title explains the denouement. This is actually a very fun movie. You see, Nancy’s cheating husband is a slimy guy who is only married to her for her money and wants her to go nuts. When Nancy grows bigger, she also seems to grow stronger inside and takes after her no-good husband, stomping through town in a furious case of marital retribution. In the end, Nancy is killed (accidentally, ha!) but takes her husband with her. It’s like a Thelma and Louise B-monster movie and despite being a cheap affair, it’s very entertaining – probably courtesy of that bikini Nancy wears as she destroys the town looking mean as hell, and loving it. Another highlight: the town tramp Nancy’s husband is having an affair with, who chews scenery like there’s no tomorrow. I really liked the remake for this flick, a made-for-tv affair with the lovely Darryl Hannah in the title role.

The Wasp Woman (1959)

I’m pretty sure Cat Woman borrowed this plot for the Sharon Stone character (as well as a fair bit from a similar film, The Leech Woman): the owner and founder of a cosmetics company is getting old. Well, that just won’t do. She must remain fresh and youthful in order to sell her creams and lipsticks. She gets in touch with one of them mad scientists who has made this awesome jelly courtesy of wasps which can instantly turn back the biological clock. Side effects: err…you’ll morph into a cheap-looking gigantic wasp after over-indulging in this product. Considering that nowadays, people voluntarily inject themselves with botulism toxins, I think we might have a market for this product. Another one for the vagina dentata category, with a delightful Susan Cabot in the main role. Remade in 1995.

The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962)

There’s something about this film that transcends the simplicity of its B-horror roots. The plot is simple: a young woman is decapitated, but her head is kept alive by her resourceful boyfriend. He wants to find her another body – and not just any body, a hot bod! She doesn’t want anything to do with him and just wishes to die. Cue in mayhem. So, what is it that elevates this to a very watchable feature? Probably the sheer anger of the “brain” at her boyfriend and the seediness (for the time period) of the whole hunting-for-a-suitable-body plot. Plus, I bet we’ve all felt like headless women sitting on platters at one point in our lives. If only we had a handy-dandy monster to perform our telepathic commands. A fun bit of black-and-white horror. It greatly inspired the comedy, The Man with Two Brains, starring Steven Martin, which would be the perfect double-feature for this movie.

Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)

Aha! You thought I was going to pick Bride of Frankenstein for this list, didn’t you? I could have, but I decided to go with this one, in part, because Peter Cushing is, once again, the scientist who doesn’t know when to stop dabbling in forbidden territory and in part, because the female lead is quite compelling in her quest-for-revenge storyline. Oh, and overall, it’s a very nice Hammer movie. There’s plenty of science (!) at work in this one: a deformed young woman is brought back to life and her soul is switched with that of her deceased boyfriend. So, on top of a sexy makeover, we’ve got a mind/gender switch. It’s fun to see Hans/Christina walking around the village, using her sexiness to lure the unsuspecting men who caused his/her deaths. It brings forth all kinds of questions about genders, sex and identity. It’s also interesting to note that, unlike Frankenstein’s other creations, which turned out to be both ugly and mad, Hans/Christina is sane and pretty, and engages in murder in her quest for denied justice rather than romping through the countryside because she is bored.

Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

Beware of totally-hot women who want to sex you up! They will, no doubt, turn out to be murderous Bee Girls. This movie is hilarious for its datedness and the sexual fears popping up during the narrative. For example, women are placed in a special chamber that transforms them into deadly Bee Girls. They go in looking frumpy and emerge with their hair done and makeup on! Plus, there’s a sexy-yet-icy female scientist! Oh my! The movie, of course, takes place in the 70s when the sexual revolution and feminism were in full swing; thus it expresses the latent fears bubbling through society like a neon sign: beware of sex and attractive women who want sex. Because a sexually aggressive female means death. Bzzzz. Campy but worth a look.

The Unnamable II: The Statement of Randolph Carter (1993)

This movie is about Science with a capital S. There’s this very ugly demon, but when you inject said demon with some kind of special salt, it separates from its host’s body and voila! You have a hot naked girl. Don’t get too excited, because the girl spends the whole movie covered in a long wig, like a low-budget Rapunzel. If Rapunzel were starring in a vague excuse for a Lovecraft film. The demon, on the other hand, is hideous and probably the best part of the whole movie; its…err, large assets are a bit of a shocker. There’s some truly awful dialogue, like the moment when the characters explain that all that is taking place on screen is due to “quantum physics”. But hey, it’s as good an explanation as any, and after including wasp women and hypnotized pre-historical fish-ladies, I’m not too concerned about the scientific credentials of the poor saps escaping from the demon.

Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993)

Essentially a sweet love story, Return of the Living Dead 3 is the tale of two teenagers who wander into an army base where military tests are taking place involving zombie soldiers. When the young man crashes his motorcycle, killing his girlfriend, he decides to use daddy’s secret zombie project to bring her back to life. At first, things are all right between the couple, but the young man obviously never heard about Orpheus or watched Night of the Living Dead, so it’s not long before the love of his life gets the munchies. Since she is a smart zombie that has retained all her cognitive functions, she does what any one of us would do in a similar situation: she engages in extreme body-piercing. It seems that pain takes the edge off the hunger and, soon enough, our heroine is sporting an interesting new look. But it’s not all makeovers and kisses for the couple because both daddy’s soldiers and some thugs are after them. I found this flick one of the most entertaining zombie movies I’ve seen, probably because the lovers are not annoying and the heroine has a kick-ass edge from the very beginning. In fact, it might make a decent date movie for the horror fans.

Alien: Resurrection (1997)

Why in hell would anyone think that combining human DNA and alien DNA would produce anything worthwile? It’s a question we might have posed to Species and that once again gets asked in Alien: Resurrection, when our favourite kick-ass heroine, Ripley, comes back from the dead via cloning. Yeah, and she’s got acid blood. There’s much to hate about this movie, but while it’s not Aliens (easily the best sequel of the series), on the other hand, it’s not Alien 3. Plus, I’ve got a soft spot for Sigourney Weaver, who is the shining beacon of this film, giving us a couple of very good scenes, including the basketball game with Ron Perlman. Josh Whedon seems like an over-excited kid with his script, which can explain some of the issues, but let’s not forget some of the choices of director Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Eventually, Whedon would grow to produce good material (several seasons of the Buffy TV series) and frankly-appalling crap (about 3/4 of Dollhouse). Jeunet, for his part, headed back to France.

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