by Rebecca Nazar

Innsmouth, MA – Last night, those who attended “Wail Like a Banshee Nite” at The Siren were rendered temporarily deaf when the pub’s karaoke machine malfunctioned and emitted a continuous, high-decibel screech for five agonizing minutes.

Around midnight, emergency services received a flood of 911 calls from irate neighbors complaining about the noise, and panicked victims who feared a Banshee was on the loose.

When police officers arrived at The Siren, they encountered dozens of people, mostly co-eds from Dyer College, holding their ears, streaming out of the pub. A few collapsed on the pavement. After about five minutes had elapsed, the noise abruptly stopped. First responders assisted those afflicted shortly thereafter. All of the pub’s patrons complained of hearing loss.

“What we’re looking at here is an incidence of severe audio feedback happening in a tight space, very inebriated people and hysteria over local folklore,” Innsmouth’s Police Chief said when reached for comment.

Innsmouth General Hospital spokesman Adrian Lumley released this statement this afternoon: “A majority of the victims have been examined and released. Those afflicted suffer from acoustic trauma or what’s called “concert deafness”- short-term hearing loss due to exposure to loud noise. Although every case is different and there can be no guarantee, most will fully recover their hearing, given time. Three still remain in our care. Two are in stable condition. One is critical. We’re monitoring these cases closely.”

Eighty-year-old Lucille “Queenie” King, a beloved barfly, spent most nights at The Siren. Paramedics discovered her unconscious beside the karaoke machine, its power cord in her hand. Police investigators assume she disabled the machine.

King’s family has confirmed she is the individual in critical condition at Innsmouth General Hospital, adding that she suffers from rheumatoid arthritis, a heart condition and bouts of severe depression.

For the past year, “Wail Like a Banshee Nite” has been extremely popular at The Siren, especially with the co-eds from Dyer College. Each month, students flock to the to pub to sing karaoke. The point is to intentionally mangle a maudlin song, performing as if possessed by a wailing Banshee. Since the establishment’s opening in the 1940s, a number of patrons profess sighting a woman’s ghost or Banshee – a creature from Irish mythology who foretells, through wailing, shrieking, or moaning, a person’s impending death or a natural disaster.

Mark Wade, a bartender at The Siren, had finished his shift and was crossing the parking lot to his car when the noise began. “I jumped a foot, at least. Each screech felt like being knifed in the head, just horrible. I can’t imagine how bad it sounded inside the pub.” When pressed to express his thoughts on whether or not he believed the pub is haunted, he said, “Seven years I’ve worked there and I’ve never seen anything supernatural. Although, Queenie King truly believed the Banshee argued with her every now and then.”

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